Concepts of Love

Warning: if you're a hopeless romantic you might not like this article.



You can probably guess from my previous posts that I'm not exactly a romantic. But in saying this, I'm not a complete cynic. I do believe that love's a very strong and powerful word and emotion when truly meant and felt. It's something that is always talked about. Either in conversations or songs or movies or dramas or articles. Many people refer to their experiences, other people's experiences and theories about love. My theories aren't that difficult to comprehend and nor are they complete. Especially since it's not something you can be completely sure of. People will always have different theories and views. Just like you and others will all have different views and thoughts on this article; good and bad.

Firstly, I don't believe in love at first sight.I believe in lust at first sight. I don't believe that something as strong and powerful as love can be felt so quickly or easily. I believe you can be physically attracted to someone just by looking at them. However, it takes a lot longer and a lot more to fall in love. At least I hope so. If it's that easy and simple then love's nowhere near as strong or powerful as I imagine it to be.

Secondly, I don't believe in 'the one'. Again, I think it's a bit of a sad thought that there's only one person out there for you. To find that one person out of the thousands of millions and billions of people in the world will be really hard and pretty unlikely. Unless of course, you believe in fate.

I'm undecided about fate because there's no way to prove if it exists or not. So I'm not sure if we're destined to meet certain loves and end up with a certain person. In a way, I'd like to not believe in it. Not because I don't believe in the other theories about love, but because, again, I find the concept a little sad. I'd like to think that I have some say and choice about my life, rather than believing it has already been laid out for me. If I had to believe in fate, I'd prefer the idea that there are several paths for us to choose and the end result is based on our decisions that we make with no other higher factors coming into play. Meaning our lives are the end results of our independent choices that we made from our own free will.

Recently I was told something interesting; a theory I've never heard before. My co-worker was told at church that there's an idea that there are actually 3 or 4 people meant for every person and you're destined to meet them. So you actually have 3 or 4 chances to meet your 'soul mate'.

My friend heard a similar story. Basically there's a girl who goes into a building and she's surprised by what she finds. There are men everywhere. Not only that, but they're all really good-looking men. She goes upstairs and on the next floor there's only good-looking rich men. Again, she's stunned. She can't believe her luck, but she's curious about what's on the next floor. And once again she's surprised. It just keeps getting better and better. Now the floor is filled with good-looking, rich, funny men. It's impossible to imagine an even better circumstance but she can't help but go up again. What does she find? A floor filled with women trying to find the perfect man.

Obviously this is just a story, but I can't help but think that the idea and moral behind the story isn't that far off the mark from reality. It's become a bad habit for people, particularly women, to search for perfection and pick at every pro and con about a person. Again, like the first idea, it's the idea that we have some chances in our lives to meet 'the one'. Whether they are a good-looking person or someone with a combination of good attributes. But as the story highlights, it's whether we choose to take the opportunity we're given or if we give up and try to find someone else; preferably better than the last.

Obviously, in an ideal world, we'd end up with someone perfect. They'd have every good characteristic and quality imagination. However, this is unrealistic. I don't believe in the perfect man or woman. However, this does not mean I condone settling with just anyone either. I don't believe you should be with anyone that you don't genuinely care about or intend to share a future with. But I also don't believe in the perfect man or woman.

I must sound very cynical to keep saying I don't believe in this and that. It's not that I'm cynical. I'm definitely not a romantic, but I don't think you have to be one or the other. Nor do I believe it's realistic to be one or the other. You can take chances and follow your heart even when your head's telling you the opposite, but don't kid yourself in thinking everything will just 'fall into place' and your heart's unbreakable. You'll get hurt and you'll probably get hurt repeatedly. However, if you're going to believe that all there is to relationships is pain and being let down then yeah, you're probably going to have a hard time finding love. If you're waiting and expecting things to fail and you're not going to really try at something, then more than likely that thing will fall apart; because you're not even giving it a chance.

It's hard to find someone who loves you wholeheartedly. To love everything about you. We all want that. So I don't believe you should settle for someone just to be in a relationship. Nor do I think it's O.K for you to settle for someone who loves you more than you love them. That's selfish. Everyone deserves someone that loves them for them. You and other people.

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I've never written one of these before. I'm not really sure how this works. There's nothing  materialistic that I want really. I'm lucky and have a job and an amazing family, whom I can't be with this Christmas, and have everything that I need. I can live comfortably with what I have. For that I am grateful.

I'm not sure if you grant other wishes. If it is possible then I would like a few things. I'd like to find a career that I want to pursue. I'm not really sure what to do with my life at the moment. I'm not sure what the next step is. All I know is that I will return to England and will try to pursue as many things as possible in order to work out what to do with my life. Whatever that may be.

It would also be nice if some good things could happen to my family, friends and students. I'm not sure how you work out who's been naughty and nice, but I do believe they're all good people at heart. They've made the last 2 years of my life more bearable and amazing than I could have imagined. Without them I probably wouldn't have enjoyed my experience in Korea half as much as I have. They've made me smile and laugh, and given me some great moments to remember for the rest of my life.

Christmas is the time of year when people are a bit more giving and caring than usual. So I would appreciate it if you would be the same and spare time to grant even one of these wishes.

It must be tiresome reading and granting these wishes. But I think you are a good example of what people need to be like. People need to take more time to stop and listen and to do good deeds for other people just for goodness' sake. I've always been a strong believer of this and I'm still striving to achieve this. It's hard because people aren't always good and people don't always seem to deserve good things, but we don't have the right or power to take away happiness. Only to give it, if we choose to. Corny, I know. But I think you can understand what I mean and where I'm coming from.

Merry Christmas! May all of your wishes come true.

When You Like Someone

Some people may think this is pessimistic. I think it's realistic.

It's really hard to find someone you like that likes you back, isn't it? People always complain about how "when you like someone, they don't like you. But thenthen when someone likes you, you don't like them". It's pretty frustrating sometimes. Why can't you meet someone, like them and they like you back? Simple enough isn't it? ... Apparently not.

I'll have to admit that it's been a while since I've really liked someone. I don't mean simply thinking the guy is hot or cute. I mean properly had a crush and wanted to be with that person. Can't stop thinking about them and over-thinking every detail when you're within proximity of that person. That kind of like.

I'm happily single and by no means do I believe that you need to be in a relationship to be happy. But, I have to admit, I do get lonely sometimes. And sometimes I even miss that feeling when you like someone. You know, when you have that strong, over-powering feeling. That makes you behave a bit out of character. Making you strangely happier than usual. It's weirdly nice, like a random burst of energy and inspiration, and you only feel it when you like someone.

It is nice. Usually. However, I also don't miss that feeling. It's nice but weird. You're not acting like you and it's strange to be doing and acting differently without any real reason why. It's a bit surreal. It's also terrifying how much someone, or emotions towards somone, can affect you. It terrifies me anyway.

What terrifies me more, is the aftermath that may or may not occur. I'm not sure which is more terrifying. Picking up the pieces later on or not knowing if you're going to have to pick up the pieces. Especially as it can be a lot of stress and pain. I've hurt and I've seen a lot of people hurt. It's scary.



It's a nice yet conflicting feeling when you like someone. To be honest, I get quite annoyed when I like someone. I know, I know, I'm strange. I can't help it. Luckily, I've only really really liked someone twice in my life. I've never been in love. Which is a good and a bad thing. It's something that's a little depressing but at the same time I definitely don't wish that I had fallen in love with any of the guys from my past. Not in a horrible way, well not completely. It's just that in hindsight, I know it wouldn't have worked with any of them so I have no regrets about it.

So if I've never been in love or had a boyfriend, why am I writing this? Because it doesn't mean I've never liked someone or know about those initial feelings, thoughts or irrationality.



Have you ever liked someone so much that you felt some kind of an obligation to tell them, just because that's how strongly you felt? As if because you like them that much that it was wrong to keep it to yourself and your feelings are that big that they have to know how you feel. It sounds weird. Even writing and thinking about it now, it sounds weird. But even though it's been a while since I've liked someone that much, I remember these feelings and thoughts very well.

I'm not sure if I'm just being strange or not, but that's how I felt. So I've nearly told two guys that I like them. I'm grateful that on neither occasion did I actually tell them. Both would have been complete and utter failures, with a lot of embarrassment and humiliation. Why? Simply put, because I've never liked a guy that has actually liked me back and sadly guys are usually more interested in my friends than me. I'm the girl that's seen as one of the lads or like a little sister (I blame my two older brothers for this). That or they just see me as a piece of meat. Which is highly flattering as you can imagine... This is why I'm kinda thankful that I haven't liked anyone for a while. It's much more safe for me, my feelings and my ego.

It's difficult to not get hurt. Let's face it, we don't all like each other so there's no way we're going to easily fall in and out of love with each other with ease. Unfortunately, it's hard to read people and it's hard to control our emotions. You won't know if they like you. Sometimes we don't even know if we like them. If we can't sort out our own emotions and thoughts, how can we expect others to know? I think this is the biggest reason why it's hard to get a relationship started. Someone has to make the first move but who? When? Where? How?

It's a well-known fact that guys don't understand women and vise versa. Like I've said in a previous post, women are very hard to understand. Women can understand other women, most of the time... But it's nearly impossible for men to understand women. And the same goes for women understanding men. It's hard to know what anyone is thinking or feeling, let alone the opposite sex. This can be unbelievably frustrating when you like someone. Do they like me? Are they flirting with me? Should I make a move? Would that be embarrassing? Will they reject me? Will this lead to utter humiliation? Is it worth it? ...

Yeah, it's pretty hard to meet someone and for things to just fall into place huh?

Why?

Without meaning to sound corny, it's probably because life's not that easy and love isn't a small thing.  If it was simple to keep falling in and out of love then it wouldn't be that special. We'd also be screwed. The amount of times people go in and out of relationships is already pretty high. So could you imagine if you easily slipped in  and out of relationships just by meeting someone ... I don't think my head or heart could handle it. I'd be acting bipolar. High on love then low on heartbreak, high, low, high, low.... That wouldn't be fun or funny.

So how about making it a little easier? If you really like someone and you don't want them to pass you by, you tell them you like them? I'm not saying you should put yourself out there to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Just the ones you want to take a chance on because there's some potential.

Here in Korea, Christmas is a couple's holiday. You spend time with your other half and see friends rather than families. So how about telling your potential partner that you like them? Maybe something might bloom, ready for the new year.

Everyone likes to know they're loved and wanted. Take a chance and make someone's day.

How fit are you?

What comes to mind when you say "fit"?

For most people, it's related to health and fitness. In England, it can mean that or it can mean 'hot'. So it can describe somebody's physique internally and externally.

Here's my next question: Are you fit? In either meaning. Or possibly a better question, do people regard you as fit?

And here's my last question: Can you be both fit and fit? Do you have to be healthy to be regarded as hot? Or can you be one and not necessarily the other?

The questions seem pretty random huh? Well I'm hoping these questions are making you think.

Here's my issue: a lot of people seem to put their appearance before their health. Some people seem to be under the impression that it's O.K. to disregard their health because looking good is supposedly more important. People also seem to assume that being thin automatically makes you beautiful. I have one word in response to these views: BULLSHIT. (Excuse my French).

Your health should be one of the most important things. How does it make sense for it to not be important? I don't understand how your looks could be more important than your health. And to be honest, usually when you're sacrificing your health for your appearance it doesn't lead to you looking that great on the outside. If your body's suffering then your whole body is suffering; internally and externally.

Also, there are plenty of people that are skinny that aren't pretty. This is going to sound very harsh, but sometimes when you're ugly, you're just ugly and it has nothing to do with your weight. There's probably another way to make yourself look prettier. Something that will amplify your good points. Just like how certain styles of clothing helps to hide some things, it also highlights other things. This is definitely something every girl knows and finds out. Once you find out what works well with your body then you're on your way to helping to boost your confidence and feeling less insecure. This is also the same for makeup. Remember, your looks and your weight aren't always related to each other. They don't always god hand-in-hand.

Even people that thousands classify as 'drop dead gorgeous' has body complexes. Yes, celebrities like Beyonce and Scarlett Johansson have insecurities.  Surprised? Why? Because they're famous? Are they not allowed to have insecurities too? They're human. They might be famous and we might put them on a pedestal but even they can't love everything about themselves.

This reminds me of a scene. It's annoying because I can't remember what movie or drama it's from, and Google isn't helping me either. But I distinctively remember a scene where a girl writes  all of her insecurities on a mirror. She writes and draws like how a surgeon draws over their patients before plastic surgery. And another character finds the girl in front of the mirror and is stunned by what she's written. Like, "how could you think those things?" It's sad but we all think horrible and negative things about ourselves right? We never see ourselves the way other people do. Whether it's when you're directly looking at yourself in the mirror or just reflecting back on yourself as a person.

I kind of hate who I'm quoting here, but I'm not going to deny that it's a great quote.

Yes it's natural and normal to have insecurities, but you should never ever think so strongly that you let it rule your life. You shouldn't focus purely on your weaknesses or insecurities. That will just amplify your negative thoughts and you'll be stuck in a vicious cycle. I've been there. It's not worth it.

Those thoughts shouldn't rule our world. If you're really upset about it, then do something about it. Whether that's losing weight, dying your hair, changing your fashion, getting surgery or whatever. If that's what you really want. If that's what it takes for you to be happy and a bit more confident. But never, ever let it change you to become more insecure or become so obsessed that you lose all logic. Choosing to starve yourself or go to extreme lengths to achieve your goal. If you disregard your own health or finances then it's a very big and clear sign that you have a problem. A problem that can not be solved by dieting or surgery or whatever. It's a problem that you need to sort out by strengthening your own mental mind-set.

If you're going to assume that this is easy for me to say all of this because I'm thin or because I don't feel a need to wear makeup or anything, then you haven't taken in anything I've written and you're also one of those people that reinforces all of the things that I've said is wrong with people and their perception of the what's 'beautiful'. I can't help that I'm thin. I've always been naturally thin. Make-up doesn't make me look much different. It can't enhance beauty that's not there so I don't bother. I have a lot of insecurities. I have never thought much of myself.

The bottom-line for me is this: If everyone's meant to be pretty, then everyone's meant to be average looking. If everyone's on the same scale then that's the norm. There's nothing wrong with looking average, and there's nothing wrong with having body insecurities. That's also normal. One thing that I accepted a long time ago was that no matter what I changed or tried to improve about myself, I'd never going to be happy. 

There's always going to be something else you wish was better. You can say "I'd be happy as long as ........... was different / bigger / smaller / slimmer / better ...." But let's face it, that's a lie isn't it? As soon as you reach your goal weight or get surgery or change something there's going to be something else you wish was different. That's why I gave up trying to change mys outer-appearance a long time ago. And I just think that if I get a boyfriend then he's going to have to deal with the fact that I won't always make an effort to look nice and the way I naturally look. No girl, that I know of anyway, can be bothered to make an effort to look nice every minute of every hour. I definitely can't. I'm too lazy.

I'm not going to be with a guy that wants me to look nice all of the time. He'll have to see me when I look crap, just woken up, when I'm sick, crying and whatever. So I just think he should get used to the way I look. If he doesn't like how I look then sure it's a shame but if I'm not willing to make the effort for myself I won't make a constant effort just to impress him.

Just remember, you're only human and we all have flaws; some that other people see and accept or not, and those that only you see and take notice of. Don't automatically assume being skinny makes you beautiful. It doesn't. Don't go O.T.T. to try to look beautiful. It's not worth it.

(By the way, if anyone could possibly tell me what movie or drama I wrote about that would be awesome. It's starting to annoy me a bit ...)

Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

I was told something interesting in a Career Enhancement lesson. "If you're good at something, say it. Be proud that you're good at it and don't be afraid to say so! Why are you automatically labelled as cocky for being honest and saying you're good at it? You're not being cocky, you're stating a fact. You ARE good at it. So what's the problem?" It kind of blew my mind a little because it's very true and makes sense, and it's kind of obvious, yet we don't think like this. Why? There's nothing wrong with accepting and knowing that you're good at something.

We condemn people for gloating. We complain when people are modest ... We make it so you can't win. If you are genuinely good at something, why can't you say so?

Being arrogant is when you think too highly of yourself and are over-confident. So what's wrong with admitting what your strengths are? We make it hard for ourselves.

In interviews you're supposed to 'sell yourself'. We worry about how we 'come-across' and carefully word our sentences, carefully pick out our outfit, are self-conscious about our body-language and our surroundings. We stress ourselves out over making ourselves seem right for the job. We can't be arrogant or too confident, but we can't be the opposite either. We have to try to seem perfect without being excessive. You need skills and good traits, but we can't gloat about them. This is the fatal flaw that we've made for ourselves. We've made it so difficult for us to sell ourselves, even though that's what you're supposed to do, even when we might be perfect for the job.

Why is it that we're quite happy to point out our and other people's flaws but never give credit where credit is due? We won't happily admit if we're clever or good at something, if we're pretty or have anything exceptional. Not aloud and usually not to ourselves either.

There's nothing wrong with admitting what's good about yourself. You've got to take the good with the bad. That doesn't just mean accepting all of your faults. It includes accepting what's good too. What's good about being hard on yourself if you're not going to let yourself enjoy your own accomplishments?

I'm pretty hard on myself but I've learnt to accept that I have some good qualities too. It's not me being arrogant. I always have to emphasise that I'm not being arrogant or cocky when I admit I'm good at something. And people always respond "You're not being arrogant. You're just stating facts." Which is true.

So, if you're going to state facts then state all of them. Don't just own up to the bad ones. The good thing about facts and stats are that they're real and true, and we can also arrange them how we want. We can make them say what we want them to. We can highlight certain things. Emphasising the good things. We can make things sound better than they are. We can sell ourselves without lying.

Lay out the facts and see and arrange them to how you see fit. Just don't leave out the good stuff. Knowledge is power. When you know and accept everything about yourself then you'll be able to grow a lot more. I have.

Interpretations: I want answers

Art has always been a good topic for discussion. You can talk about the meaning, technique, different interpretations and so on. It's interesting. To some people. Some people think it's a pile of crap. I understand why some people don't like or don't have high opinions about art. Especially as anything is classified as 'art'. Each to their own. I like art, but admittedly, I don't appreciate all art. I can appreciate that somebody's time and effort has gone into it. No matter what piece it is, the artist has put time and effort into it. I wouldn't say I'm proud of my art work, but I've definitely put a lot of time (a ridiculous amount of time actually. I'm quite a perfectionist so it takes me a while to work on just one part of any piece) and effort into each of my pieces.

If you follow me on twitter then you've probably seen a few pictures of my art work. Some of you may have some opinions or interpretations about my work already.Sometimes people are a bit intense with their interpretations. It's the same with a lot of discussions and opinions though. You're not always going to agree or think the same, but there's no harm in accepting and listening to them.

There's not much to interpret from my artwork. Like how I usually think you just have to accept my pieces for what you see. They're not complex. They just are what they are. There's no deeper meaning or need to question 'who 'what' 'when' 'where' or 'why'.

The only thing people questions is the technique but it's just how I draw. It's a style I've developed over the years. I literally just do what works for me; what I'm used to, and what feels and looks right to me. You can see the development when you contrast my early works from when I first came to Korea and my more recent drawings.

These ones are all done by ballpoint pens, and all but the bow also has yellow highlighter in them.

And the piece below is the current piece I've been working on. This is drawn using coloured pencils. I originally used the above image from the internet to work from but have now started to make it up on my own. I find it hard to copy things. I can't get things to look exactly the same and that annoys me. Also, it doesn't always look or feel right to me so I find it much better and easier to just go by own eye.

I record the progress of my work because I find it fascinating to see something constructed, and it helps me to see what progress I make. 

Like I said, you can interpret my art how you want but there's no deeper meaning behind my work. I draw flowers because I think they're easy to draw from imagination and I like the flow of the colours. I drew a bow because my sister told me it will help me get better. I've wanted to draw an eye since seeing my friend paint an amazing eye for Art using oil paints. I drew the nuclear explosion in water for a friend's birthday. And water drops because I drew one before for an art project in High School. There's no special meaning or anything interesting about my work. They just are what they are. What you see is what you get. That's all.

Drawn from gel pens and Biro pen.

Like with art, I think people try to look too hard and find something that's not there. I thought this when I studied English Literature. Apparently the author picks each individual word for a particular reason ... O.K. they pick certain words and phrases, and yes of course they use imagery and punctuation in a deliberate way. But does everything have to have a reason behind it? I'm sure they do carefully pick each individual word.

I love analysing. I'm a bit of a loser. I analyse a lot. It's why I love discussing, reading, debating, politics, History ... But there is such a thing as 'over-analysing'. Sometimes people just need to accept things for what they are and not look for a reason behind everything. If things happen for a reason, then just accept that there's a reason. Don't look for the reason. Not everytime something happens at least. Sometimes you can just accept it, be grateful and move on. Don't waste time on every single detail. And like we all know, sometimes there's just no reason or you're not going to know the exact reason. As frustrating as that is at times, life's a mystery. Accept it and don't let it get to you.

Ballpoint pens and yellow highlighter.

Highlighters only.

 Two liquid pens: black and red. 

Coloured pencils.

A Man's Mind vs. A Woman's World

Conversation between two friends:

Woman: You know it's the thought that counts?

Man: I know that much. I just don't know what to get. Can you give me some ideas?

Woman: OK. There are two ways you can put thought into it.

 1. Buy her something that's personal. Something that's specific to her. Like something she's been wanting for ages or her favourite perfume or something to do with her interests ... It shows that you actually pay attention to her and know her well.

Or

 2. Something really romantic. Go out of your way to be romantic. Like buy her 100 roses for your 100 day anniversary. 

Man: What is she going to do with 100 roses? They'll just die and she'll just throw them away. Why would I give her dead roses?

*Woman goes wide-eyed and laughs*

Woman: You don't give her roses that are already dead ...

Man: And where would I pick 100 roses?

*Woman laughs more*

Woman: You don't pick 100 individual roses yourself. You call a florist and order 100 roses ... Or if you want to be really thoughtful and buy something personal AND be romantic, find out her favourite flower and order 100 of those.

Man: They'll still die ...

This is an actual conversation that I've recently had with my friend. I found it hilarious. It just highlights the differences between how a man thinks and how a woman thinks.

I've given many guys advice over the years. I really feel for men when they have to deal with women. Sometimes I pity them ... They do have to put up with a lot from us (and vise versa). Our minds work differently and they never know what to do. And in all honesty, they don't stand a chance!

It's true, women are irrational and hormonal and a bit crazy. BUT, I must add, there is a way to understand women. The only problem is, it's an illogical logic. Only women can understand women. Let me give an example.

If a girl isn't talking to you it could be one, a few or all of these reasons:

1. She simply doesn't want to talk to you.
2. She's playing hard to get.
3. She wants attention. She wants you to make an effort and talk to her first.
4. She's testing you. How much do you like her? Do you care? Have you noticed she hasn't been talking to you? Do you want to talk to her as much as she wants to talk to you?
5. She's playing mind games. She wants you to suffer a bit so that you'll appreciate her more.
6. She's stubborn.
7. She's thinking. She might need space to think and work out her thoughts. Either about you or about other things.
8. It's not about you. She's busy or something's going around her head so that she doesn't have time for you right now.
9. She's pissed or upset with you.
10. She's being stupid. She might be sulking or trying to be clever somehow but failing miserably.

The list could go on. Like I said, girls are difficult to understand but there is a logic behind our way of thinking. You've just got to work out the girl well enough so that you can understand where she's coming from. Understanding doesn't mean agreeing. You just need to empathise. If you can't do that, then you're pretty screwed to be honest. Every girl, like every person, appreicates it when somebody tries to listen, understand and empathise with them.