Concepts of Love

Warning: if you're a hopeless romantic you might not like this article.



You can probably guess from my previous posts that I'm not exactly a romantic. But in saying this, I'm not a complete cynic. I do believe that love's a very strong and powerful word and emotion when truly meant and felt. It's something that is always talked about. Either in conversations or songs or movies or dramas or articles. Many people refer to their experiences, other people's experiences and theories about love. My theories aren't that difficult to comprehend and nor are they complete. Especially since it's not something you can be completely sure of. People will always have different theories and views. Just like you and others will all have different views and thoughts on this article; good and bad.

Firstly, I don't believe in love at first sight.I believe in lust at first sight. I don't believe that something as strong and powerful as love can be felt so quickly or easily. I believe you can be physically attracted to someone just by looking at them. However, it takes a lot longer and a lot more to fall in love. At least I hope so. If it's that easy and simple then love's nowhere near as strong or powerful as I imagine it to be.

Secondly, I don't believe in 'the one'. Again, I think it's a bit of a sad thought that there's only one person out there for you. To find that one person out of the thousands of millions and billions of people in the world will be really hard and pretty unlikely. Unless of course, you believe in fate.

I'm undecided about fate because there's no way to prove if it exists or not. So I'm not sure if we're destined to meet certain loves and end up with a certain person. In a way, I'd like to not believe in it. Not because I don't believe in the other theories about love, but because, again, I find the concept a little sad. I'd like to think that I have some say and choice about my life, rather than believing it has already been laid out for me. If I had to believe in fate, I'd prefer the idea that there are several paths for us to choose and the end result is based on our decisions that we make with no other higher factors coming into play. Meaning our lives are the end results of our independent choices that we made from our own free will.

Recently I was told something interesting; a theory I've never heard before. My co-worker was told at church that there's an idea that there are actually 3 or 4 people meant for every person and you're destined to meet them. So you actually have 3 or 4 chances to meet your 'soul mate'.

My friend heard a similar story. Basically there's a girl who goes into a building and she's surprised by what she finds. There are men everywhere. Not only that, but they're all really good-looking men. She goes upstairs and on the next floor there's only good-looking rich men. Again, she's stunned. She can't believe her luck, but she's curious about what's on the next floor. And once again she's surprised. It just keeps getting better and better. Now the floor is filled with good-looking, rich, funny men. It's impossible to imagine an even better circumstance but she can't help but go up again. What does she find? A floor filled with women trying to find the perfect man.

Obviously this is just a story, but I can't help but think that the idea and moral behind the story isn't that far off the mark from reality. It's become a bad habit for people, particularly women, to search for perfection and pick at every pro and con about a person. Again, like the first idea, it's the idea that we have some chances in our lives to meet 'the one'. Whether they are a good-looking person or someone with a combination of good attributes. But as the story highlights, it's whether we choose to take the opportunity we're given or if we give up and try to find someone else; preferably better than the last.

Obviously, in an ideal world, we'd end up with someone perfect. They'd have every good characteristic and quality imagination. However, this is unrealistic. I don't believe in the perfect man or woman. However, this does not mean I condone settling with just anyone either. I don't believe you should be with anyone that you don't genuinely care about or intend to share a future with. But I also don't believe in the perfect man or woman.

I must sound very cynical to keep saying I don't believe in this and that. It's not that I'm cynical. I'm definitely not a romantic, but I don't think you have to be one or the other. Nor do I believe it's realistic to be one or the other. You can take chances and follow your heart even when your head's telling you the opposite, but don't kid yourself in thinking everything will just 'fall into place' and your heart's unbreakable. You'll get hurt and you'll probably get hurt repeatedly. However, if you're going to believe that all there is to relationships is pain and being let down then yeah, you're probably going to have a hard time finding love. If you're waiting and expecting things to fail and you're not going to really try at something, then more than likely that thing will fall apart; because you're not even giving it a chance.

It's hard to find someone who loves you wholeheartedly. To love everything about you. We all want that. So I don't believe you should settle for someone just to be in a relationship. Nor do I think it's O.K for you to settle for someone who loves you more than you love them. That's selfish. Everyone deserves someone that loves them for them. You and other people.

When You Like Someone

Some people may think this is pessimistic. I think it's realistic.

It's really hard to find someone you like that likes you back, isn't it? People always complain about how "when you like someone, they don't like you. But thenthen when someone likes you, you don't like them". It's pretty frustrating sometimes. Why can't you meet someone, like them and they like you back? Simple enough isn't it? ... Apparently not.

I'll have to admit that it's been a while since I've really liked someone. I don't mean simply thinking the guy is hot or cute. I mean properly had a crush and wanted to be with that person. Can't stop thinking about them and over-thinking every detail when you're within proximity of that person. That kind of like.

I'm happily single and by no means do I believe that you need to be in a relationship to be happy. But, I have to admit, I do get lonely sometimes. And sometimes I even miss that feeling when you like someone. You know, when you have that strong, over-powering feeling. That makes you behave a bit out of character. Making you strangely happier than usual. It's weirdly nice, like a random burst of energy and inspiration, and you only feel it when you like someone.

It is nice. Usually. However, I also don't miss that feeling. It's nice but weird. You're not acting like you and it's strange to be doing and acting differently without any real reason why. It's a bit surreal. It's also terrifying how much someone, or emotions towards somone, can affect you. It terrifies me anyway.

What terrifies me more, is the aftermath that may or may not occur. I'm not sure which is more terrifying. Picking up the pieces later on or not knowing if you're going to have to pick up the pieces. Especially as it can be a lot of stress and pain. I've hurt and I've seen a lot of people hurt. It's scary.



It's a nice yet conflicting feeling when you like someone. To be honest, I get quite annoyed when I like someone. I know, I know, I'm strange. I can't help it. Luckily, I've only really really liked someone twice in my life. I've never been in love. Which is a good and a bad thing. It's something that's a little depressing but at the same time I definitely don't wish that I had fallen in love with any of the guys from my past. Not in a horrible way, well not completely. It's just that in hindsight, I know it wouldn't have worked with any of them so I have no regrets about it.

So if I've never been in love or had a boyfriend, why am I writing this? Because it doesn't mean I've never liked someone or know about those initial feelings, thoughts or irrationality.



Have you ever liked someone so much that you felt some kind of an obligation to tell them, just because that's how strongly you felt? As if because you like them that much that it was wrong to keep it to yourself and your feelings are that big that they have to know how you feel. It sounds weird. Even writing and thinking about it now, it sounds weird. But even though it's been a while since I've liked someone that much, I remember these feelings and thoughts very well.

I'm not sure if I'm just being strange or not, but that's how I felt. So I've nearly told two guys that I like them. I'm grateful that on neither occasion did I actually tell them. Both would have been complete and utter failures, with a lot of embarrassment and humiliation. Why? Simply put, because I've never liked a guy that has actually liked me back and sadly guys are usually more interested in my friends than me. I'm the girl that's seen as one of the lads or like a little sister (I blame my two older brothers for this). That or they just see me as a piece of meat. Which is highly flattering as you can imagine... This is why I'm kinda thankful that I haven't liked anyone for a while. It's much more safe for me, my feelings and my ego.

It's difficult to not get hurt. Let's face it, we don't all like each other so there's no way we're going to easily fall in and out of love with each other with ease. Unfortunately, it's hard to read people and it's hard to control our emotions. You won't know if they like you. Sometimes we don't even know if we like them. If we can't sort out our own emotions and thoughts, how can we expect others to know? I think this is the biggest reason why it's hard to get a relationship started. Someone has to make the first move but who? When? Where? How?

It's a well-known fact that guys don't understand women and vise versa. Like I've said in a previous post, women are very hard to understand. Women can understand other women, most of the time... But it's nearly impossible for men to understand women. And the same goes for women understanding men. It's hard to know what anyone is thinking or feeling, let alone the opposite sex. This can be unbelievably frustrating when you like someone. Do they like me? Are they flirting with me? Should I make a move? Would that be embarrassing? Will they reject me? Will this lead to utter humiliation? Is it worth it? ...

Yeah, it's pretty hard to meet someone and for things to just fall into place huh?

Why?

Without meaning to sound corny, it's probably because life's not that easy and love isn't a small thing.  If it was simple to keep falling in and out of love then it wouldn't be that special. We'd also be screwed. The amount of times people go in and out of relationships is already pretty high. So could you imagine if you easily slipped in  and out of relationships just by meeting someone ... I don't think my head or heart could handle it. I'd be acting bipolar. High on love then low on heartbreak, high, low, high, low.... That wouldn't be fun or funny.

So how about making it a little easier? If you really like someone and you don't want them to pass you by, you tell them you like them? I'm not saying you should put yourself out there to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Just the ones you want to take a chance on because there's some potential.

Here in Korea, Christmas is a couple's holiday. You spend time with your other half and see friends rather than families. So how about telling your potential partner that you like them? Maybe something might bloom, ready for the new year.

Everyone likes to know they're loved and wanted. Take a chance and make someone's day.

Who's Mr. Perfect?

We all know that nobody's perfect, but there's no harm in fantasising about Mr. Right is there? Or is there?

It's hard to stop your mind from wandering and imagining the perfect partner or situation. Especially when you're single or when you see or hear a really cute couple and wish that was you. 

Honestly, I'm a bit strange and I have about 50 different images of Mr. Perfect in my head because what I want keeps changing. But I've realised that fundamentally my idea of the perfect guy always remains the same. It's a very simple, generic type of guy, and it's basically just what I like in a person / friend generally to be honest. Someone funny, considerate, open-minded with manners and that can hold their own. The latter is more what I like in a guy rather than a friend.

I think sometimes we concentrate too much on this, a happy ending. There's nothing wrong with wanting a fairy tale ending, but don't let it get in the way of appreciating and being happy with what you currently have. Whether be that taking your current partner for granted or missing what's right in front of you because you're looking for perfection and missing out on being with someone special that's in your life right now


In truth, there isn't really a happy ending. You've just got to make and embrace as many happy moments as you can so that you can die with no regrets and can remember all of those good things. You can be happy single, in a relationship or married. You won'thave a dream wedding then live happily ever after. Life after marriage doesn't automatically become a blissful, care-free way of living. Life is life. You've got to take the good with the bad and accept that. If you can someone that can stick with you through those times and help you when times gets hard then you're lucky. Whether it's a friend, colleague, family or partner.

You can strive for perfection in your life, but don't ever expect someone to be perfect. We're only human after all. If you find someone you like and they like you and they have your best interest at heart, that is perfect. What else could be better?

I only hope that one day I can find someone that I like that actually likes me back for once. To be in love and be loved is one thing I hope to do before I die. If only once and even if it doesn't last forever. To say you've had that is enough I think.