My friend thinks the 'friend-zone' is nothing but rubbish and lies. He doesn't think it exists. It's just something we've made up as an excuse to say to the opposite sex and to run away.
To a certain degree I agree with him. Sometimes we do use it as an excuse. As a nice way to let someone down gently or it's what we tell them and ourselves so that we don't have to confront our true feelings. We've all had those moments when we see someone as a friend but then something changes. Either they tell you they like you or people are teasing you about them or something along the lines of. This can make us question our relationship and feelings for the person. Do you like them? Is it possible for something to happen between you two? etc... Re-evaluating your feelings isn't always an easy, simple process as feelings can't be measured quantitatively. Although running away is never the best answer, sometimes that's all we can do for our own sanity. If we hide then we don't have to confront and deal with the situation, and we can pretend that everything's still the same as before.
However, sometimes we sincerely mean it. Sometimes we do just see them as a friend and nothing more. Although it's hard to hear that the person you like only thinks of you as a friend, it's better to hear the truth and know they like and care for you in some way than for them to force themselves to like you. Especially as this will probably just result in ruining your friendship forever. Life isn't that simple that you can deduct a definite outcome, but I'd say in most cases this is true. At least from what I've seen and my experiences.
I think because everyone has different interpretations and there are so many scenarios that may occur that it's hard to make a clear conclusion about it. I do believe the 'friend-zone' exists, but how strong the concept is varies from person to person. Usually, I find my girl friends have a much stronger idea about the 'friend-zone' than my guy friends.
Generally girls seem a lot more reluctant to date an old friend than guys. Also, usually when a girl sees a guy as a good friend then she won't see him as much more or will tell herself she doesn't to save herself from embarrassment and pain of confessing and a possible break-up. This is where the more complicated nature of girls comes into play. The way we think and are a more ruled by our emotions than men. It plays a serious part in why the 'friend-zone' has materialised and why some guys find it hard to not fall into that category.
One thing that I don't agree with, that's a general view, is that you're either seen only as a friend or not. I think this is a misconception about the 'friend-zone'. Whilst you're usually 'in' the 'friend-zone' or not, I don't think this means you're simply 'friends' or not. I think these are two different things.
This is a very simplified diagram that I've made to show how the 'friend-zone' it works in my mind. There are more categories than just 'friend' and 'not friends'. Some people may see more categories than what's displayed in the diagram.
Personally, I see 4 categories:
1. The people you love; old friends, close friends, best friends and those you are or seek to be in a relationship with.
2. Friends and acquaintances you like and may care about but are indifferent about. They've probably not made a massive impression to make you feel any particular way about them.
3. Those you classify to be idiots or/and know you're not interested in. They've made an impression; not a very good one.
4. And lastly, the 'friend-zone'. Where people are seen as nothing more than friends, but can move and integrate with the other three categories.
Although this isn't a very conclusive piece, I hope it's somewhat insightful. I would say it's a generic explanation of the 'friend-zone' as well as specific in terms of my own thoughts and opinions.
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