When I first heard this view I was shocked. It seems so cold and heartless to me. Yes, suicide is devastating. For the person who did it and for everyone that's left behind. It's hard to cope with someone's death. Not knowing why they did it. If there was something you could have done to help and stop them. At the end of the day, something or somethings has pushed that person beyond devastation, and it has made them want to give up and decide to end it all.
Nothing about suicide is easy or simple. However, if anything, I think if you''re automatically labeling someone as selfish for taking their own life then you're quite selfish for not thinking about them and what they've been going through that has pushed them so far.
You've got to look at it from both sides. That's key. Especially in these types of situations. People will always need others because nobody is fine all alone. People need to reach out to one another and to ask for help when they need it. Again, it's never that simple but that doesn't mean we can't try, right?
We've all had our lows and have helped others during theirs. Sometimes you can't do all the helping though. Sometimes they need to help themselves. So for everyone that's struggling and feels like giving up, here's the best advice I can give and I hope it helps.
- REMEMBER YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN
- BE POSITIVE
- BE HONEST TO YOURSELF
- LET IT OUT
- BE MORE SELFISH
REMEMBER YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN
We have a habit of getting down, frustrated and worked up over things that are completely out of our control. We need to remember that people can and will make mistakes - and that includes ourselves. Not everything is in your control. Be rational. What would you say to yourself if you was in your friend's shoes? Don't beat yourself up over something that wasn't your fault. You can't hold yourself responsible for everything that happens in your life. Think and do what you can, and don't regret what you can't do or couldn't prevent. There's no reason why you should blame or be upset with yourself when you wouldn't advise another to do exactly the same.
BE POSITIVE
It's obviously a lot easier said than done, but being, or at least trying to be, positive is really important. I can't stress how important it is. We've all been in ruts where we've pitied ourselves and can only think negatively. Which just becomes an endless, vicious circle. Getting upset, and then getting annoyed at yourself for being upset, and feeling even more crap about yourself ....
You need to realise when you're being negative. Whether it's about yourself or things around you. If all you can do is think negatively then you'll never see anything positive that's happening or that could give you some happiness or hope. Don't always think about 'if', 'could', 'should' or 'maybe'. They're all auxiliary verbs. They're about possibilities that haven't happened. Concentrate on the here and now, and the future. It's not about if something was different or if you did something differently or if only this or that. It's not about if you were more 'something'. You can't work from 'if's that have never happened and can't happen. It's about the things that aren't in your control, that aren't your fault, and what you can do to make yourself feel better. Separate the two. Do what you can and be positive about what is there or is to come.
BE HONEST TO YOURSELF
Did you honestly do anything wrong? Can you honestly keep carrying all of the weight on your shoulders? Do you need help? Then be honest about what you're thinking and address the problem. Either to yourself or to others. There's nothing wrong with feeling weak. We all feel like that from time to time. Like the previous point I made, remember you're only human. Asking or needing help, and feeling out of your depth isn't a bad thing.
LET IT OUT
Everyone deals with problems differently. Some methods work better for others and some don't. The best advice I can give is to analyse yourself and the situation. Logically work out what is best for you. While thinking about it might be hard or upsetting, it needs to be done. You can't get passed everything by burying your head in the sand. Go through it in your head and don't be scared to talk to someone or to write it all down. Let out your thoughts and emotions so you can organise them. Try to keep everything in check and to keep yourself in check. It's about you and whatever works best for you.
BE MORE SELFISH
If something or someone is causing you stress, remember you don't HAVE to deal with it. It's not your responsibility. You have a choice! Sure sometimes you can't get away from it. And you definitely can't yell at your boss and tell him where to go. But if there's a way for you to spend less time or no time with the person or issue that's bothering you, then take it. Spend more time on, for or by yourself. It might seem too selfish, but sometimes you have to just think about number one; yourself. If you're not happy then it's hard for you, and you won't be a nice person to hang around with either. People around you will want you to be happy, so why is it bad for you to want for yourself to be happy?
Like I've said repeatedly, summarising and preventing suicide isn't simple. It's far from it. It's complicated. Devastatingly complicated. I think that describes suicide well. It's devastating. For the victim and victims. The one that felt a need to take their life, and those that have to cope and deal with everything afterwards. And it's complicated. Lots of things happen until that point, and a lot will be going through their minds at that very moment. And there will be a lot that will happen afterwards as well.
So before making that life-ending decision, or blaming someone for being selfish or stubborn or whatever, try to remember it's not that simple and it's unbelievably hard and difficult. But that in itself doesn't mean you have to be negative about it. There are ways to feel better, to move passed things and to see things in a different light. Don't always jump straight to one opinion or option. There will always be lots of different ones out there. You've just got to open yourself up to them and try.
