Forever Friends

Friendships don't always last - more times than not they don't. But some do, and they're the friends you really need to value and appreciate. That doesn't mean real friends are hard to come by; although that sometimes feels like the case. It also doesn't mean that person wasn't a real friend just because you're not friends now. It's sad, but friends come and go. People will always come and go - in and out of your life. Even friendships that have lasted for years and years can fizzle out. Things change. People change. It doesn't mean you didn't have a good friendship. Things just change. Maybe you drifted. Maybe you have less in common now. Maybe distance is an issue. Maybe life just got in the way, who knows? But change isn't always bad. Maybe you just need new friends in your life that are changing like you, that understand you a bit better or that can meet you at a drop of a text. All friendships are different, and when people change and grow sometimes you'll change and grow at different paces, and without those friends.

As you get older you start to realise who your true friends are. Most adults only have a very select few they call close or best friends. With time friendships are tested a lot. Testing boundaries, testing how valued your friendship is, testing limits and testing if it's a true friendship or just one-sided.

I've had a lot of bad friends in my life. Some were users, some were two-faced and some were betrayers. Some of my friends I've just drifted from because we just don't have anything in common anymore. Most of them were from school. It's strange, but even after spending years of day after day together friendships can just cease to exist. Now that you don't have school and school drama and school gossip to talk about, you don't have much in common anymore. Without being in the same mutual situation and settings sometimes friendships that were great at the time no longer work outside of those circumstances. It doesn't mean you don't like those people anymore. Or that they're now different or bad people. It's like I said, life changes and sometimes that causes people to drift apart.

Some friends, however, stay with you. There are some friends that always make you laugh, ones that you can always rely on and ones that are more than just a friend. They're more like a brother or sister, or even maybe a soul-mate - our best friends; partners in crime. They're the ones we cling to the most. Rely on the most.

We all have friends. It doesn't matter how many we have. We all need to feel like someone's there for you. Someone that cares. We have two ways to get this - from family and from friends. Friends can feel like a second family. They do a lot for us. Providing a shoulder to lean on and a lending hand. It's easy to take all of that for granted, but you should never take them for granted. Nobody likes to be taken for granted, and you don't want them to not be there one day just because you couldn't appreciate them.

The last two years away from home has definitely put a strain on some of my friendships. Or at least caused some drifting apart. I've grown and changed, they've grown and changed. Thankfully, some of my friendships haven't changed at all. Seeing them and spending time with them has been exactly the same as before. Which is fantastic. Like my friends have said, it's the friendships that last and last no matter how much time you spend together or how often you see each other that are true friendships that are worth maintaining.

Here's a little dedication to all of those different types of friends we have.

There are friends that know how to have fun. When they do something it's perfectly acceptable and amusing, but if someone else did it then you would not be a happy bunny! You can have a good laugh with them. They always know how to make you smile from ear-to-ear and make you wet yourself laughing. They're a great person to introduce to your family and other friends. They're easy going and easy to get along with. They're the life of the party and distract you from the drama in your life. They're pretty crazy and weird. But hey, crazy is fun and normal's boring, right?

And who knows, they might even become your future wife or husband... Just saying.

Some friends are hard to imagine living without. Some of us are blessed with a life-long friend that we've known since a child. This is pretty rare and very precious.

When you're upset, unsure or have a dilemma, it's nice when you have someone that will listen and never judge you. We all need someone to confide in sometimes. Confiding in a friend can take a huge weight off your shoulders. It's always nice to have a friend that'll listen and never hold anything against you. They're there for you and always will be whenever you ask them to lend an ear or helping hand.

 

It's the friendships that work and keep working that doesn't end in a massive falling out that are true friendships. Friendships that remind you of good times, happy times and moments of comfort. Whether they're friendships of past or present. They're still good friendships. Just because you're not still best buddies doesn't mean you weren't good friends. And of course, friends that stay on the same wavelength with you, grow with you and continue to always be there for you are the greatest friendships of all.

I'm grateful for the friends I have today. I have great friends all around the world now. Although I can't see them all the time, I'm glad for technology because I can still keep in touch with them through Skype, e-mail and phone apps. While it's hard to keep in touch with everyone, it's still easy to remain friends. They still make me laugh, smile and make me feel comfortable. I can talk to them with ease and it's always nice to catch-up. Friendships definitely can NOT be gauged on how long you've known them or how often you see them. It's just whether you still act like friends when you see each other. If they treat you badly, use you or ignore you rather than trying to see you or keep in contact, then that's not a friend. You'd be better off not wasting your effort on that person. It would be better for you to try and see and speak to your real friends, and making new ones.

World Suicide Prevention Day

To those that think suicide is a selfish act, I want to clearly state that it's never that simple. You can't ever categorise or label someone that simply. You've always got to look at all of the facts for each individual case. Even then, there will always be lots of different ways of looking at. Like looking at it from the dead person's point of view...

When I first heard this view I was shocked. It seems so cold and heartless to me. Yes, suicide is devastating. For the person who did it and for everyone that's left behind. It's hard to cope with someone's death. Not knowing why they did it. If there was something you could have done to help and stop them. At the end of the day, something or somethings has pushed that person beyond devastation, and it has made them want to give up and decide to end it all.

Nothing about suicide is easy or simple. However, if anything, I think if you''re automatically labeling someone as selfish for taking their own life then you're quite selfish for not thinking about them and what they've been going through that has pushed them so far.

You've got to look at it from both sides. That's key. Especially in these types of situations. People will always need others because nobody is fine all alone. People need to reach out to one another and to ask for help when they need it. Again, it's never that simple but that doesn't mean we can't try, right?

We've all had our lows and have helped others during theirs. Sometimes you can't do all the helping though. Sometimes they need to help themselves. So for everyone that's struggling and feels like giving up, here's the best advice I can give and I hope it helps.

1. REMEMBER YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN
2. BE POSITIVE
3. BE HONEST TO YOURSELF
4. LET IT OUT
5. BE MORE SELFISH

REMEMBER YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN

We have a habit of getting down, frustrated and worked up over things that are completely out of our control. We need to remember that people can and will make mistakes - and that includes ourselves. Not everything is in your control. Be rational. What would you say to yourself if you was in your friend's shoes? Don't beat yourself up over something that wasn't your fault. You can't hold yourself responsible for everything that happens in your life. Think and do what you can, and don't regret what you can't do or couldn't prevent. There's no reason why you should blame or be upset with yourself when you wouldn't advise another to do exactly the same.

BE POSITIVE

It's obviously a lot easier said than done, but being, or at least trying to be, positive is really important. I can't stress how important it is. We've all been in ruts where we've pitied ourselves and can only think negatively. Which just becomes an endless, vicious circle. Getting upset, and then getting annoyed at yourself for being upset, and feeling even more crap about yourself ....

You need to realise  when you're being negative. Whether it's about yourself or things around you. If all you can do is think negatively then you'll never see anything positive that's happening or that could give you some happiness or hope. Don't always think about 'if', 'could', 'should' or 'maybe'. They're all auxiliary verbs. They're about possibilities that haven't happened. Concentrate on the here and now, and the future. It's not about if something was different or if you did something differently or if only this or that. It's not about if you were more 'something'. You can't work from 'if's that have never happened and can't happen. It's about the things that aren't in your control, that aren't your fault, and what you can do to make yourself feel better. Separate the two. Do what you can and be positive about what is there or is to come.

BE HONEST TO YOURSELF 

Did you honestly do anything wrong? Can you honestly keep carrying all of the weight on your shoulders? Do you need help? Then be honest about what you're thinking and address the problem. Either to yourself or to others. There's nothing wrong with feeling weak. We all feel like that from time to time. Like the previous point I made, remember you're only human. Asking or needing help, and feeling out of your depth isn't a bad thing.

LET IT OUT

Everyone deals with problems differently. Some methods work better for others and some don't. The best advice I can give is to analyse yourself and the situation. Logically work out what is best for you. While thinking about it might be hard or upsetting, it needs to be done. You can't get passed everything by burying your head in the sand. Go through it in your head and don't be scared to talk to someone or to write it all down. Let out your thoughts and emotions so you can organise them. Try to keep everything in check and to keep yourself in check. It's about you and whatever works best for you.

BE MORE SELFISH

If something or someone is causing you stress, remember you don't HAVE to deal with it. It's not your responsibility. You have a choice! Sure sometimes you can't get away from it. And you definitely can't yell at your boss and tell him where to go. But if there's a way for you to spend less time or no time with the person or issue that's bothering you, then take it. Spend more time on, for or by yourself. It might seem too selfish, but sometimes you have to just think about number one; yourself. If you're not happy then it's hard for you, and you won't be a nice person to hang around with either. People around you will want you to be happy, so why is it bad for you to want for yourself to be happy?

Like I've said repeatedly, summarising and preventing suicide isn't simple. It's far from it. It's complicated. Devastatingly complicated. I think that describes suicide well. It's devastating. For the victim and victims. The one that felt a need to take their life, and those that have to cope and deal with everything afterwards. And it's complicated. Lots of things happen until that point, and a lot will be going through their minds at that very moment. And there will be a lot that will happen afterwards as well.

So before making that life-ending decision, or blaming someone for being selfish or stubborn or whatever, try to remember it's not that simple and it's unbelievably hard and difficult. But that in itself doesn't mean you have to be negative about it. There are ways to feel better, to move passed things and to see things in a different light. Don't always jump straight to one opinion or option. There will always be lots of different ones out there. You've just got to open yourself up to them and try.

Travelling: Leaving from Korea

Leaving Korea and a bit flustered? Not sure what the procedure is with your school? Or with immigration? Or how to tie all the lose ends with your apartment, phone, bills etc....? Here's a breakdown of what most people want to know.

How to get rid of your things before taking off

1. Sell it. There are a lot of different websites to sell your stuff. If you want to find people that can pick-up or meet you the area you live in then you can probably find a facebook group. For example, if you live in Incheon then a lot of people use this group to sell and buy things:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/229578370430310/
2. Sending home. Sending things from Korea isn't that expensive. It's a lot more to send things to Korea. First you need to get some boxes. If you go to the post office after school then you can buy boxes there. They'll be a stack of sample boxes showing the different sizes available. They'll have a number on it. That's the number you use to refer to that size box. 1 is the smallest and 6 is the biggest.
3. Give it to charity. If you'd prefer to give it to someone who would need it more, there are charity donation bins around Korea. They look like the big green bins you see behind restaurants and in alleyways. You can put your old clothes and household items like couches and kitchen utensils in them and they will be given to charity. Like I said, they are scattered all over Korea. They're on the streets so you'll just have to find one near you and you'll be able to donate your things.
4. Giveaway party. It's also common for people to hold some kind of party or pot luck at their apartment before leaving so that friends and friends of friends can come and socialise and then leave with things you don't want. It's a good way to say goodbye to people and get rid of your things in one go. Killing two birds with one stone.

Finishing off work and other formalities
If you're with IMOE then I'd highly recommend using this website http://imoe.wikispaces.com/ and if your answers aren't answered then ask Sarah. If not then I'm sure the website can still be helpful and there's probably a website that's for your specific region of Korea, and you should contact whoever is the head of your programme directly. A lot of people talk and pass gossip and theories about our contract details and protocols but at the end of the day, none of that is very useful until you have definite evidence and confirmation. So I think it's best to check and ask for answers straight away. You'll probably have to check this way either way as most people don't actually have a clue about our contract formalities and so forth. I'll summarise the main things that need to be done.

Please note the time this post was written and that I don't work for the English Program in Korea. So please do as I suggest and double-check using the website or asking someone that works for EPIK.

1. Pension refund. To get a refund on your pension, if you are eligible for one, you have to fill in a form. More details are on this link: http://imoe.wikispaces.com/Pension. After it has been processed your refund will be transferred to your home account.
2. Bonus pay. There's a form for your severance pay, but not for your exit allowance. Your exit allowance is a total of 1,300,000 Korean Won and is automatically transferred to you after you leave Korea. Your teacher should already have the form for your severance pay (the amount will depend on your current salary. It's basically an extra month's pay check). Please note that if you don't leave Korea and simply change your job to another one in Korea then you don't receive an exit allowance.
3. Tax. There are two things about tax. First, if you're paying tax in Korea and you haven't paid for the tax year yet then your school should be able to sort that out for you. You need to talk to them. The admin department should know what to do and how to sort it out. They'll need you there for your ARC number and so forth, but they should be able to sort it. If you want extra information or help then this is the website you need to do everything on and it'll have an English PDF guide as well: http://www.nts.go.kr/eng/. Secondly, if you need some reference to sort out your taxes when you return home then you can print off how much you paid for the tax year in Korea from the NTS website, too. Also, you should ask your school (again, the admin department are the ones to help you) for copies of your wage slips and your tax payments. They should be able to provide this information for you using the school system. It's recommended to get both of these documents before leaving Korea.
4. Bank account. This is easy. Your bank account is automatically closed after you hand-in your ARC card to immigration at the airport before departing Korea. Your bank account is connected to your ARC card. So once your ARC card has been returned, your money will automatically be transferred to your home bank account (the one you put down during orientation). Be sure to hand in your ARC card. My friend didn't so her money never got sent home so it took much longer than it should have.
5. Phone contract. Before leaving you do need to cancel your phone contract and/or get someone to take over your contract. If your contract hasn't finished then you will have to pay a fine. I'm not entirely sure about this next bit of information so don't quote me on it, but I believe if you don't do this then your phone bill will keep going up and then you might be black-listed for not paying your debt. They can't charge you because your bank account will be closed but you will have an outstanding debt in your name. I know someone who keeps getting text messages about her phone bill but she hasn't tried returning to Korea yet so we're not sure what the result would be.
6. Leaving school. Obviously you leave on the last school day before/when your contract is set to end. How you leave school is up to you really. Just remember to tidy and clear out your desk and classroom (if you have one) and get anything from your school before you leave. For example your tax summary, a copy of your wage slips and/or a reference letter if you want or need them.You also have to move out of your apartment on the last day of your contract whether it's a school day or not. 
7. Leaving your apartment. You have to leave on the last day of your contract, whether it's a school day or not. Yes you still have to work on that day if it's not on the weekend or holiday. However, it can be possible to get the day off. Before using all of your holidays you can talk to your co-teacher and negotiate to save one of the days for your last day. They must agree with it before and make it absolutely clear that that's what you intend to do. They can say no so it's vital you make it very clear that you want to use that holiday for that day and you both agree. Of course you need to clean and clear out all of your things. Remember to pay all of your bills. It's possible to leave money for with your co-teacher if you know roughly how much the bills will be and another Native English teacher's moving in after you.
8. Proof of Employment. If you need a proof of employment for your own reference then you need to e-mail the head of your programme with the following details:

• Name:
• Date of Birth:
• Nationality:
• Place of Employment:
• Term of Employment:
• Passport number:
• ARC number:
• Contact number:
• E-mail address:

I will keep updating this post every time I hear something new, however, I want to repeat that this is not an official post and you may want to double-check some details with officials.

Pet Hates

I'm not really sure where the expression 'pet hate', also know as 'pet peeves' for American English speakers, comes from. It's an odd saying when you think about it, but it's something everyone has. You can't like everything and there's always something that really gets under your skin. Whether it's a quality in a person or a certain situation. Most people, even the positive optimistic ones, have multiple pet hates. It's only natural. There are a lot of things that can and do irritate people. The Telegraph published an article in 2009 showing the top 100 things Britons found annoying. Here are the top 10:

1. Chavs

2. People driving close behind you

3. People who smell

4. People who eat with their mouth open

5. Rude shop assistants

6. Foreign call centres

7. Stepping in dog poo

8. People who cough and do not cover their mouths

9. Slow internet connections

10. Poor customer service

(If you want to see a complete list then you can view it via this link: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/howaboutthat/6131208/The-100-most-annoying-things-poll.html)

Do any of those things irritate you? How many? I personally dislike numbers 2, 5, 9 and 10. Some of the others are obviously unpleasant but I wouldn't name them as a 'pet hate'. They're just annoying or inconvenient. So, yes I don't like people eating with their mouths open and stepping in dog poo isn't my most favourite thing in the world, but I wouldn't call them my pet hates. A pet hate isn't simply something you dislike. There are a lot of things we dislike. We don't like 

For example, I asked my family about their pet hates and there was something that generally annoyed us. A lack of manners or consideration. I think this isn't something that annoys my family. I think it's something that annoys everyone..It applies to most of the things listed in The Telegraph for the top most annoying things. It explains why I don't like people driving close behind you, rude shop assistants and poor customer service. 

However, there's a line that differentiates a dislike to a pet hate. The line's different for everyone, just like pet hates vary from person to person. It's a line that makes you change your mind and feelings of 'that's not nice' to 'I'd like to hurt you'. It's a pretty big jump and that's how you know if you can categorise it as a pet hate or not.

For example, I, as well as a lot of people I know, really hate when people don't move to one side. I don't mean in a pretentious way acting like I'm the queen and everyone should move to one side and bow to me. I mean when it's obvious people are going to bump into each other so someone needs to move aside. Some people won't make any effort to. Even when it's a narrow path and they're walking down the middle or even when there's a group of them taking up the whole path while you're alone trying to get passed or even if you're obviously struggling carrying a lot of things and they can see you but they keep walking towards you as if bee-lining to walk into you deliberately instead of diverting a little bit more to the left and moving around you. It's rude, inconsiderate and irritating. For some people it's as simple as that; annoying and rude. However, for some people, like me, it's a pet hate. It really gets under my skin

That's it. I've hit the nail on the head. I can't stand inexcusable rudeness. That's my biggest pet hate. I can't understand why people are rude for no reason. It's ridiculous. You don't have to be really nice and go out of your way to please everyone, just show a bit of common courtesy. It's not hard and it doesn't hurt you to do it. Whether it's simply moving out of the way, holding the door you're walking through when there's someone directly behind you now walking through it or not blasting your music in a crowded public area just because you want to listen to your music. Move a little bit, hold the door a bit longer so it doesn't swing and hit the person behind you in the face and put some headphones in so that everyone doesn't have to listen to your music. It's simple and showing some courtesy and a bit of consideration.

So what about you? What do you think? What are your pet hates? And what's number one on your list? What is it that you really can't stand?

Concepts of Love

Warning: if you're a hopeless romantic you might not like this article.



You can probably guess from my previous posts that I'm not exactly a romantic. But in saying this, I'm not a complete cynic. I do believe that love's a very strong and powerful word and emotion when truly meant and felt. It's something that is always talked about. Either in conversations or songs or movies or dramas or articles. Many people refer to their experiences, other people's experiences and theories about love. My theories aren't that difficult to comprehend and nor are they complete. Especially since it's not something you can be completely sure of. People will always have different theories and views. Just like you and others will all have different views and thoughts on this article; good and bad.

Firstly, I don't believe in love at first sight.I believe in lust at first sight. I don't believe that something as strong and powerful as love can be felt so quickly or easily. I believe you can be physically attracted to someone just by looking at them. However, it takes a lot longer and a lot more to fall in love. At least I hope so. If it's that easy and simple then love's nowhere near as strong or powerful as I imagine it to be.

Secondly, I don't believe in 'the one'. Again, I think it's a bit of a sad thought that there's only one person out there for you. To find that one person out of the thousands of millions and billions of people in the world will be really hard and pretty unlikely. Unless of course, you believe in fate.

I'm undecided about fate because there's no way to prove if it exists or not. So I'm not sure if we're destined to meet certain loves and end up with a certain person. In a way, I'd like to not believe in it. Not because I don't believe in the other theories about love, but because, again, I find the concept a little sad. I'd like to think that I have some say and choice about my life, rather than believing it has already been laid out for me. If I had to believe in fate, I'd prefer the idea that there are several paths for us to choose and the end result is based on our decisions that we make with no other higher factors coming into play. Meaning our lives are the end results of our independent choices that we made from our own free will.

Recently I was told something interesting; a theory I've never heard before. My co-worker was told at church that there's an idea that there are actually 3 or 4 people meant for every person and you're destined to meet them. So you actually have 3 or 4 chances to meet your 'soul mate'.

My friend heard a similar story. Basically there's a girl who goes into a building and she's surprised by what she finds. There are men everywhere. Not only that, but they're all really good-looking men. She goes upstairs and on the next floor there's only good-looking rich men. Again, she's stunned. She can't believe her luck, but she's curious about what's on the next floor. And once again she's surprised. It just keeps getting better and better. Now the floor is filled with good-looking, rich, funny men. It's impossible to imagine an even better circumstance but she can't help but go up again. What does she find? A floor filled with women trying to find the perfect man.

Obviously this is just a story, but I can't help but think that the idea and moral behind the story isn't that far off the mark from reality. It's become a bad habit for people, particularly women, to search for perfection and pick at every pro and con about a person. Again, like the first idea, it's the idea that we have some chances in our lives to meet 'the one'. Whether they are a good-looking person or someone with a combination of good attributes. But as the story highlights, it's whether we choose to take the opportunity we're given or if we give up and try to find someone else; preferably better than the last.

Obviously, in an ideal world, we'd end up with someone perfect. They'd have every good characteristic and quality imagination. However, this is unrealistic. I don't believe in the perfect man or woman. However, this does not mean I condone settling with just anyone either. I don't believe you should be with anyone that you don't genuinely care about or intend to share a future with. But I also don't believe in the perfect man or woman.

I must sound very cynical to keep saying I don't believe in this and that. It's not that I'm cynical. I'm definitely not a romantic, but I don't think you have to be one or the other. Nor do I believe it's realistic to be one or the other. You can take chances and follow your heart even when your head's telling you the opposite, but don't kid yourself in thinking everything will just 'fall into place' and your heart's unbreakable. You'll get hurt and you'll probably get hurt repeatedly. However, if you're going to believe that all there is to relationships is pain and being let down then yeah, you're probably going to have a hard time finding love. If you're waiting and expecting things to fail and you're not going to really try at something, then more than likely that thing will fall apart; because you're not even giving it a chance.

It's hard to find someone who loves you wholeheartedly. To love everything about you. We all want that. So I don't believe you should settle for someone just to be in a relationship. Nor do I think it's O.K for you to settle for someone who loves you more than you love them. That's selfish. Everyone deserves someone that loves them for them. You and other people.